Kirsten Weighs In

Monthly Update of Nothing

2007-10-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

I keep saying I need to eat better. I keep saying I need to exercise more. Neither one of those things is happening. I hate exercise when it's a single activity (aka "unitasking"). I hate going to Curves just to go. As a result, I haven't been pretty much since my last update. Boyfriend and I keep saying that we should go walking, now that the weather's better. That hasn't happened either. He gets sucked into his silly little game and can't stop, and I usually get sucked into the internets. But every week we have a renewed sense of purpose. We just might get out for a walk before the year is over.

My diet hasn't gotten much better either. We are doing our grocery shopping at Trader Joe's, and we are enjoying our food much more. Eating out hasn't subsided much, mainly due to our social life. And because TJ's doesn't have crappy microwave meals, I've been eating even crappier at lunchtime when I'm at work. I don't really do leftovers much, and if we do have anything left over I leave it for Boyfriend to have for lunch. I have been getting the occasional fast food meal, and getting total crap for lunch at the regular supermarket - shelf (desk) stable, single serve microwaveable stuff. Of course I chase it with some junk food. I feel like crap at the end of the day.

But I've been thinking. It's getting cooler, and some good hearty soups come in easy to store in my desk packages. The sodium's a bit high, but dinner is usually healthier, so I can take it. So I'll probably get some soups next time I go shopping, and have some crackers with it. I bought some apples at TJ's today since they last longer than other produce, and I'll eat them. And I had a thought that just might work:

Ya know how stomach stapling and other surgeries reduce the amount of food you eat? And ya know how when you wear really tight jeans you feel like you can't eat as much? Well, no worries, I'm not gonna be going around wearing tight jeans - people would be getting injured with the buttons popping all over the place. But, I do own a couple corsets - real steel-boned corsets. It's not practical to wear them to work, but if I wear it at night and on the weekends, I won't pig out for dinner or when we go out with friends. I already know from experience that I can't eat as much when I'm laced, so it would be especially handy for when we go out. I'd be forced to make better choices - a small salad and appetizer rather than the giant bowl of alfredo. It just might work, and if not, at least I'll still feel svelte and sexy, except when I'm at work. Then I'll feel like a shapeless blob, but still hopefully making better choices.

Looking for Inspiration

2007-09-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am so uninspired today it's not even funny. It came to me as I was eating breakfast, which was a granola bar at my desk once I got to work, which is what I usually do. It suddenly occured to me why I don't really care to eat breakfast. How on earth can I think about food and eating a decent breakfast when I'm griping about the hours of sleep that I still need? I get up around 5:30 to be at work for 7. Way to freaking early, if you ask me, so now way will I be able to get up even earlier to eat a decent breakfast at home? It's all I can do to get my ass out the door on time as it is.

My snacks today are also very uninspiring. Actually, I really, really don't want them, even though I am craving healthier food today. First I tried to have some Laughing Cow cheese on my crackers. I've never had this cheese before, but I figured that since I usually like Boursin, Rondele, or Allouette cheese spread in the Garlic and Herbs flavor, I'd try this. No go. It smelled disgusting; I couldn't get it past my nose, so no way was it going on my crackers. And then the crackers - I've been eating Triscuits, which I like well enough, but they do leave a slight greasy and artificial aftertaste in my mouth when I'm done. Since Boyfriend and I have been shopping at Trader Joe's, I bought the TJ version of Triscuits, but they too tasted weird, even if they didn't leave the same aftertaste. As a result, I only had a few, but I'll try again tomorrow most likely.

Then there was the yogurt. I've never been much of a yogurt person. A couple weeks ago I tried to make my own fruit parfaits a la McDonald's. I bought plain yogurt and some frozen fruit, and packaged it up in little tupperware cups. First of all, the fruit thawed, so it ended up a bit watery and colorful. Then there was the plain yogurt issue. All I can say is YUK. I looked around the office and scored some sugar to make it more palatable, and managed to finish it. The next day I brought another one, was prepared with the sugar to mix in, and could only choke down about half of it. The other two in the fridge went to waste.

The other night when we went shopping I decided to get some YoBaby yogurt. It's a bit smoother, flavored, and not loaded with sugar. But now for some reason my lactose intolerance rears its ugly head and I am rather uncomfortable now after only a few bites. Looks like that stuff is a no-go.

It seems to me that whenever I try to incorporate new things into my diet, or substitute crap food for something better, it does not go well. Last night Boyfriend and I have been watching The Truth About Food on Discovery Health channel. One episode was all about how to get kids to eat new foods and accept foods they adamantly resist. The tactic was to keep getting them to try a little bit of it. After about 10 tries kids will be more accepting, and up to 30 tries might be needed to get them to accept a food. I know Boyfriend was paying attention to this and will use this tactic to try and get me to eat ~~fish bait~~ sushi. Not gonna happen. No way, no how. Raw fish is a hard limit. I won't even eat cooked fish if it's cold. My Swedish family always has pickled herring on the table, and I grew up with a jar of Vita Herring in the fridge. Not having any of it. He and I have very, very different tastes in food. He thinks I don't try anything. I know my stomach. I know what works and what doesn't. I know what kinds of foods I can actually eat and which ones I have to choke down with a funny look on my face, followed by copious amounts of water, then a trusted food to get the taste out of my mouth. I'm not completely adverse to trying new foods, but really exotic stuff won't work.

And for the exercise rant: I hate it. I hate that when I'm falling asleep at work I have to think about going to work out afterwards. I hate that it takes extra time out of my day. I hate that I have to schedule it. I hate that some people seem to love it, which makes me feel even worse about not liking it. I know I have to do it, but I'd rather it be effortless. If I lived in a city where public transportation was a more viable option (you try waiting at a sunny bus stop when it's 110F outside), then I'd walk more. My naturally fast walking pace and my desire to do things as quickly as possible would ensure that I get enough exercise.

Now I just have to look forward to lunch, and the stuff in my desk that I brought to eat so does not look good, so I may decide on an uninspiring fast food lunch. If it were up to me, I'd just go home, go back to bed, and maybe have a bowl of cereal - the perfect food for the uninspired.

If It's Not One Thing...

2007-08-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Last week Boyfriend and I were going somewhere and we drove by the Curves that I usually work out at (when I actually go). The sign was gone. Curves was gone. I had no idea, since they keep taking money out of my checking account. So yesterday I called and found out that that particular location did close, but my membership would be transferred.

Today I go to the new-to-me club, which is actually a lot closer to my house than the old one. Turns out that about a month ago, the old Curves just shut down without telling anyone. That was sooooo nice of them. The new-to-me one is being very accommodating and will transfer my membership, so I'll have no problems working out there, which I did today. Yay me for actually going!

Now that things seem to have settled down personally, I should be able to keep up a more regular schedule so long as I get enough sleep and/or caffeine. This 7am work stuff is killing me!

Baby Steps

2007-08-15T17:46:00.001-07:00

Baby steps seems to be the way to go. My willpower has been zapped, and a major issue facing me right now is not helping. The last thing I want to do is think about food. I don't want to plan my meals and I don't want to think about how the food feels in my stomach. I don't want to feel hungry, I don't want to feel full, and I don't want to be burping it up later (I have GERD, so this is far to common for me). I just want to eat so my life is sustained so I can have the energy to deal with other things.

So, with that said, a huge change in diet is just not going to happen right now. South Beach is just that - a huge change, for me at least. Not that I'm knocking it. It's a great diet and a very healthy lifestyle of eating. I just can't commit to it or stick to it right now. Besides, being the kind of person who always feels queasy eating eggs unless I can chase them with toast, I just don't see how I'm gonna be able to get through Phase 1 without going crazy or getting really sick. So I'll just wash it down with high fiber toast instead - like Oroweat's new Double Fiber Bread. I've always liked the Oroweat breads, and this new one has 6 grams of fiber per slice. That's freaking awesome, and I'll eat it, which is even better.

So, my focus right now is making small changes I can live with. Swap white bread for a yummy high fiber bread. I swapped out my morning granola bar too, to one that has more fiber and less sugar and still tastes good. Instead of heavy sugary snacks, I bought some Hershey's Special Dark Sticks - only 60 calories. For a confirmed chocoholic with no intentions of ever giving it up, this is just enough to keep me sane and keep the rest of the population alive. Sometimes I dip them in peanut butter. I also bought some Triscuits, which have a really decent amount of fiber in them. I'm trying to keep my carb choices to things that have more fiber than sugar, and things that have at least 2g of fiber per 100 calories. (I'm not advertising here, I just want to give a clear picture of what I'm eating and how I'm coming to choose these things.)

I'm horrible at preparing foods to take to work every day, so I need to make choices that fit in with that grab-n-go desire. I figure if I work with what works for me, I'll be more apt to stick with it. I've been eating the Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, and Smart Ones meals for my lunch at work for years. They aren't the best choices, but considering my lifestyle they work for me. I see no need to change that. The rest of my meals and snacks really need to revolve around pantry foods, because I'm horrible at fresh foods. If I don't eat them on the spot, they end up spoiling. I've just always been that way, so I need to go with the flow to make this work.

My biggest single stumbling block in my quest to lose weight is exercise. I've never been athletic, never wanted to play sports, and never had a taste for physical activity. So getting motivated to go is hard. So is having enough energy at the end of my workday. I know they say that working out in the morning is better, but I'm at work at 7am, and I am so NOT a morning person, so let's not go there. Lunch isn't a good time to go either since I hate the thought of rushing to Curves and rushing back to the office. No, after work is best, especially since it's on the way home. I just got to go. I mentioned in a previous post that when I first moved to Vegas I lost weight by going to Curves and actually eating out more than usual, so I know that 90% of my success is tied to the workouts. I just gotta go.

Give Me the Bread and No One Gets Hurt

2007-08-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this no-carb thing is sooooo not working for me. The first day of the diet I was starving all day, and panicky because of it. I was afraid I wouldn't have enough food to last me the day, and since I tend to be a bit hypoglycemic, not having enough to eat makes me panic. Then Thursday I had the migraine and slept all day so I didn't really have a lot to eat. Friday I thought ahead and brought way more food to work than I thought I would eat. Turns out I didn't eat some of it (I came home with 2 hard boiled eggs and a cheese stick), but I also was lightheaded for most of the day. All I could think about was having a piece of bread. My stomach felt a bit queasy because of all the protein, which seriously does not agree with me. So then I got to thinking that I should not do low-carb. Boyfriend would be happy eating all meat, all the time. That's fine for him. Personally, it would make me sick. I need carbs. They settle my stomach, and I never feel satisfied until I've had some starchy stuff with my meal. So, I'll be skipping to Phase 2. I won't lose that big hunk of weight that you're supposed to on Phase 1, but I'll be much happier, and that will make everyone around me much happier. Tomorrow we go shopping for whole grain bread and crackers and other healthier stuff for my lunchbox. As long as I bring enough stuff I want to eat, I'll eat it and stay away from the vending machines.

Since I moved in with Boyfriend, he's gained, um, more than a couple of pounds. My weight has stayed the same. We eat out a lot more than both of us care to do, but I really don't enjoy cooking all that much and since he really won't do pasta, which is the easiest thing in the world to cook, I really don't look forward to cooking dinner. We still need to figure out how to eat in more so that we don't eat out as often and we're both happy with it, and I still really need to get my ass back to Curves. That's all, at least for me. I said before that I did really well when I went to Curves regularly without making any changes to my diet, so there's no reason to believe that it won't work again.

And We're Off!

2007-08-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

First day today on South Beach - again. I tried this diet a few years ago and had some success with it, and it really is a very healthy way of eating. Once you get past Phase 1, which is basically a huge attitude adjustment for your cravings, then it gets much easier. But day One? Ugh.

I thought I had packed a lot of food so that I wouldn't be hungry. You're not supposed to be hungry on this diet. But I found myself at work and starting to panic because I didn't think I'd have enough food to last the day. I'll have to pack more healthy stuff so that I can get through the day. I know that caffeinated drinks are discouraged, but at 3pm I finally caved and had a Diet Coke. It really took the edge off my cravings, and helped me keep my eyes open since I went to bed a bit too late last night.

One of the complaints I had the first time around was that this diet doesn't make it easy for people who live a grab-and-go lifestyle as far as their food is concerned. I countered that this time by making all my salad ahead of time, so that I only need to throw a few handfuls into a ziploc baggie (quart size). I cut up and divided all my celery sticks into grab and go packs. I got string cheese, which is already grab and go. Cooking a few nights worth of meat helps keep from having to cook every single freaking night, which is a main reason a lot of people eat out - they just don't want to cook. It will take a bit of planning and doing larger quantities of cooking, and having to get used to leftovers, but it can be done. I'm determined to see that it gets done.

Starting Over, Take Two

2007-08-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, going to Curves on a more regular basis didn't work too well. But I'm gonna try that yet again. Also, Boyfriend and I have decided that after losing all ambition to cook and eating out way too much as a result, we need to do something drastic. I am a big fan of the South Beach Diet because of its sensibility, and once we get past the first 2 weeks we should be well on our way to a much healthier lifestyle. I've done SB before and had some success on it, but faltered without any moral support. Since we are both going to be doing this together, we'll be able to help each other stick to it.

My personal challenges are:

I need to work out on a regular basis. This is the single biggest thing.

I need to curb my vicious sweet tooth so that I don't hit the vending machine

I need to plan my meals better

Planning and the vending machine go hand in hand, though sometimes I don't want to eat what I've brought to work with me. But if I know that we are both trying, I'll suck it up until the lo-fat cheese stick and celery looks a lot more appealing than the candy bar. Doing this together, though, I think will be the best way.

Renewed Effort

2007-07-04T13:07:00.001-07:00

After a month and a half of not visiting Curves, I finally went back. I am finally really ready to do this. For the first time in a long, long time I really enjoyed my workout. I'm committed to going at least 3 times a week now. So that was Monday. I was planning on going Tuesday, but after moving about 100 boxes full of papers and working up a sweat for most of the day, I figured that was a good enough workout. Today's a holiday, but I'm back at Curves tomorrow and Friday.

I also came to a realization the other day. See, Boyfriend is convinced that the only way to lose weight is on a low-carb, high-protein diet. That may be the only way for him. For me, it's more about moderation. But then I thought back - when I first moved to Vegas and started going to Curves, I was eating out quite a bit, at least once a day. I also discovered an excellent ice cream place, which I tended to visit almost as often as I would Curves. So diet-wise, the first time, I wasn't doing much to help myself there, and I still lost over 20 pounds! I figure this time around, if I watch myself a bit more then I should be just fine. Boyfriend and I eat out a couple times a week but not every day, and if we go to Cold Stone it's because he brings me there, not because I'm begging to go.

As long as I can keep up this resolve and go to Curves like I should, everything else should fall into place. It's summer, at this writing 111F outside, so eating fresh, light foods is high on my list right now. I'll be just fine as long as I have the motivation.

Just Not Feeling It

2007-05-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

I worked out again tonite, for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, and I just wasn't feeling it. I couldn't go there and enjoy my workout thinking about all the crap I still have to do. I'm still not completely moved in yet, my apartment isn't completely packed up yet, and there's so much to do at home. Come home, cook dinner, do laundry, clean stuff, try and spend time with boyfriend, get to bed at a decent hour, and here I am playing on these silly machines. With all that I have to do on a daily basis and the things that are looming on my to-do list, I have a hard time justifying taking the time to just work out. I prefer multi-tasking, and I honestly don't like going to "work out" at any kind of place that resembles a gym, be it with hard bodies or squishy women like myself. As I go around the circuit going thru the motions, I wonder if anyone actually enjoys that. I would rather be doing something a bit more enjoyable, like taking a walk with Boyfriend or some other activity that is enjoyable but not something where the main purpose is exercise. Know what I mean?

Packing

2007-05-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Last night when I was at my apartment packing up a bunch of stuff, I decided to pack away all the clothes that don't fit me. I ended up with 2 large boxes of clothing that will fit me again... someday. I also packed to have available some clothing that doesn't quite fit right now but after shedding about 10-15lbs or so, will fit. What I'm left with is a very, very small selection of clothing that fits me right now. I'm not that eager to buy clothing to fit me for the size I currently am, because I see it as an investment in my size. I don't want to invest in being a size 18/2x. I want to wear the 12-14 size clothes I have. So once this whole move thing is out of the way and life with Boyfriend gets settled into a routine, I can focus again more on my goals.

Not Much Progress

2007-05-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

Not much progress to speak of. I need to re-evaluate where I'm at based on Boyfriend's scale, either that or deal with having 2 scales in the tiny bathroom. I do like my scale better. But this past week I have been dealing with PMS. Yes, the dreaded PMS. I don't really get bloated or crampy. A little moodiness and everything else is in the chest. Yep, the twins. They swell and fill out and weigh a lot more, and hurt like heck so that I really don't want to exercise because then I need to either squish them in a sports bra or just deal with the jiggle. This is a time of the month when every bump in the road hurts, so never mind exercise. So walking with Boyfriend will be it.

Boyfriend does eat healthy, but he's been complaining a bit about my PMS because he is scarfing down chocolate at a rate that makes me jealous. But healthy eating has been on the menu. Last night we had chicken and broccoli. I'm missing the carbs, since I REALLY love pasta and rarely get sick of it, but I know this is good for me and I'll forgo pasta most of the time to achieve my goal.

According to Curves

2007-04-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

...I have lost 2lbs. And I have lost 1/2 inch off my bust but gained everywhere else. Now, this is something I've known for a long time, but the measurements can vary based on what you're wearing (thick sweats will give different measurements than thin summery clothes) but more importantly, who does the measuring. Different fitness techs will take measurements from slightly different places, and they will also use different tension on the measuring tape. So, after talking with the fitness tech yesterday, I am not going to do my monthly measures on a monthly basis. I'll most likely switch to quarterly, at most. She said the best way to measure progress is by how your clothes fit. Hopefully my clothes will fit better. And I'll weigh myself only in the morning at home, for consistency's sake.

So, here's the plan: my boyfriend is also wanting to lose a bit more weight (he lost over 100lbs over the past year or so), so we will be eating healthy together, and while the weather is nice enough to tolerate being outside, we'll be taking walks. I think we'll be able to find indoor places to walk when it gets hot out. It is so nice to have someone to participate in this journey with me.

Something Good

2007-04-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't been posting about my daily exercise and food intake, but I've been halfway good, I promise. Yesterday I forgot to bring my workout clothes to work, so missed my chance to go to Curves, but I also needed water - so I ended up walking to the watermill to get my water. Today I have an appointment right after work, so again no Curves, but after that I plan on walking to the supermarket to get some stuff that I need for the rest of the week. My 5lbs is still off me, according to my scale this morning, so that's a good thing.

Aaaaaannnnnnnddddddd.................. I met someone. Someone who likes me exactly as I am, flab and cellulite and all. He just wants me to be comfortable with myself, so I'm not under any pressure to change for him. But that just makes me even more motivated. Too good to be true, I know. But he's all mine and no, I won't clone him for you.

It's Starting to Move!!!

2007-04-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

You'll notice that my scale moved. Yippee! I'm not super vigilant about weighing myself in the morning (the only time I do it, for consistency) but the scale's been stuck at 200 for quite some time. This morning I stepped up, and the scale said 195. Wooohooo! Now I do realize that some of this could be due to 2 things: 1. I just finished my period, so some of it may be hormonal now. 2. It's getting warm here, and the a/c in my apartment isn't really working correctly, so some of it may be water weight. But quit rationalizing it, right? My weight starts with a 1 now.

This Friday I'll do my monthly measure at Curves, so I'll post any changes in my measurements then.

Food updates: I don't eat as much on the weekends, especially Saturdays when I stay home farting around on the computer all day, so I only had a chicken salad sandwich and a salad all day long. I'm a bit hungry now, so I'll most likely have some cereal or something before I go to church and gorge myself on Easter cookies. Did I mention that church junk food doesn't count? :-)

Day 4

2007-04-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

Food:
Breakfast - chewy granola bar, 1 cup OJ

Lunch - micro pizza, 100 calorie bag of chips, chocolate bar

Dinner - frozen, pre-packaged chicken kiev and corn

Drinks - water and diet soda

Exercise:
None - Curves is closed for the holiday.

Thoughts:
I got to leave work early today, which was nice. Went out this evening and ate at home which saved me not only money but from eating too much by eating out. Was feeling a bit lonely but that got resolved by being out with friends.

Day 3

2007-04-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

Food:
Breakfast - 1 granola bar. The Quaker Chewy ones are my favorites. Also 1 cup of OJ.

Lunch - LC garlic and chicken pizza, and 2 oreos

Dinner - went to whole paycheck for this one. Some salad, mac & cheese and a few bites of cacciatore chicken, along with some peach cobbler for dessert

Snacks - 100 calorie snack pack of hershey stuff, and an apple

Drinks - water, diet soda, and a beer. Went out with friends and just wanted to have one. I didn't even drink the whole thing.

Exercise: Went to Curves today. I felt really compelled to go because of the whole situation yesterday.

Thoughts: Not much that I really want to discuss here. I'm glad I had a healthier dinner than the usual greasy bar food I have when I'm out with my friends, even if it cost 3 times as much.

Day 2

2007-04-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

Food:
Breakfast - 1 Quaker Chewy Granola Bar. 1 Sausage McMuffin with Egg. (Hey, I was really hungry!)

Lunch - 1 LC Cheese Ravioli. 1 100 calorie pack of Hershey's cereal puffs things.

Snack - 2 pieces of extra sharp cheddar cheese

Dinner - went to a meeting/potluck, so 1 pc lasagna, some cocktail weiners, 1 taco, some deviled eggs, a couple of those rolled wafer cookie things, and 2 Cadbury Creme eggs

Drink - Diet Pepsi and water

Exercise: none, because I thought I was making plans to meet with someone who never ended up calling me after he said he would. This is the 2nd time I've rearranged something for this guy, and it ain't gonna happen again.

Thoughts: See above. Not gonna let that happen again, and it's most likely why I felt compelled to eat 2 cadbury creme eggs.

Trying to Make an Effort

2007-04-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

I posted on my main blog about being overweight and how it's dragging me down. Well, I need to do more than make a single post about it, so I'm going to use this blog to try and keep some accountability on my efforts. I'll post my feelings about the journey along with keeping tabs on what I eat and how much I exercise. So, here ya go:

Food:
Breakfast - 1 cup OJ, 1 pkt. Quaker oatmeal, cinammon and spice flavor, 1 Sweet N Salty bar with peanuts and chocolate on the bottom.

Lunch - 2 pieces of leftover pizza, sausage and onion, and 1 pack of FF Jello pudding, chocolate.

Snack - 100 calorie snack pack of popcorn

Dinner - a bit (ok, a lot) too much spaghetti with Prego sauce and shakey cheese. At least I use the Barilla Plus spaghetti for a little bit of fiber.

Dessert - 1 WW Smart Ones cookie dough dessert.

Drinks - water and Diet Pepsi

Exercise:
Went to Curves and did my 30 minute workout. Got my heart rate into the recommended zone.

Thoughts:
I had to go return something at the mall and popped into Mervyn's. After wandering the store looking for their Women's section, I finally found the measly selection of oversized clothing that I currently require. Because my weight gain is so recent, I have no warm weather shirts that fit properly, and I need a few things to wear to work. I bought 5 shirts that match the few pairs of slacks I have. I didn't really want to have to buy "fat" clothes, because it brings me out of denial about my weight and also because I feel like buying clothes is an investment in my figure. But having clothes cling to me is not comfortable, so new shirts it was.